What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
