I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
