Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize