It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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