Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
worst night to have a conscience
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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