Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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