im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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