She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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