I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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