i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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