i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
