omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
