How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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