you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I am available for nakedness
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
