I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
