True but thats because hes a fetus.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
