I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
