Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
