yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
