she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
