i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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