i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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