Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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