I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
