Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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