Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
