i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
