Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
