1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
