I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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