my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
