i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
