Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
