Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize