If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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