Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
