Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
