I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
