i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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