guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
