shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
