i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
