Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is it because I queefed?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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