so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i drank out of a bidet.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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