I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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