Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
