Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
