you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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