Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
