walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize