she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You dont lie about slip and slides
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
