watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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