I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
