Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
