Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
