it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
