Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
