My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
