My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
