My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
