i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize