I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
