ya dads aren't the best wingmen
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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