what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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