And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Boobs speak an international language.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
