i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
COCAINE IS GR8
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