Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
