sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
