i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
