Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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