2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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