Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize