just come out here and I will go home with you...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
